The Symptoms of Depression in Men Are Not Always Obvious
The anger that men often show during depression is actually very obvious. But often the family and friends of a depressed man don’t recognize the anger itself as a one of the key symptoms of depression in men. Boys and men often experience the symptoms of depression in men in many different ways. From irritability to drinking too much, a man is sometimes confused by what is going on inside him and around him.
Now, a very important thing to most men is efficacy. In other words, they need and want to have an effect on things around them and even inside them. This is one reason why men often try to fix things when presented with a problem, whereas women more readily key in to the pain and relationship dimensions. This need for efficacy makes men supremely frustrated that they can’t “snap out of it” and move forward. (It goes without saying that any gender observations are generalizations with numerous exceptions).
Men Get Frustrated if They Aren't Effectual
A man may he verbally (or physically) mean to his wife and his kids. He might work all the time, or compulsively seek the next high-risk situation to cope with the anhedonia (i. e., difficulty experiencing pleasure due to the brain changes caused by depression). He may seem withdrawn, and uninterested in the people and activities he once enjoyed.
Another one of the important symptoms of depression in men for a man is changes in sexual desire. Paradoxically, he may instead have a lot higher interest in sex because less-than-optimum sex is one of the few things that make him “feel alive.” This can make some men ripe for an affair. Or, he may be much less interest in sex because of the deadness and numbness of his body and emotions.
How to Help Someone with Depression: Translate the Symptoms of Depression in Men into Man Language
Men often believe they should be able to shake depression off the way an athlete, a rugged firemen, or a soldier might shake off an injury and keep moving. It’s probably not a good idea to tell him that he will never be able to conquer it himself. A better approach might be to say, “This is bigger than all of us. I’m hoping that you will be open to finding the best strategy to take this thing down. I will help where I can, but I don’t want to blaze a trail through the forest if hundreds of men have already created a clear path.”
Life is hard enough as it is; and treating depression can free up vital resources to cope with life’s challenges effectively. For most men with depression, life doesn’t have to be so dark and hopeless.
Treatment for Depression Needs to be an Approach that Makes Sense to Men
If you are helping someone with depression and that someone is a husband and father, then it’s often important to help him see that he holds the cards in his hands. When a man is depressed, he’s not the only one who suffers. His depression also impacts the lives of his family, his friends, virtually everyone close to him. If he will consult with the experts he can substantially improve the quality of life for the whole family! But if he sticks with his fear of trying something new, then the whole family will continue to suffer with him in his depression. You might him, “Is that what you really want?”
Telling a man to “Get help!” is probably not how to help someon with depression when it is a man or boy you care about. It’s usually better to make specfic comments about the strengths he has that are being compromised by the depression. Telling him, “We really miss the real you” is one of many ways to do this.
If you are helping someone with depression and that that man has an intense need to succeed, it may be helpful to point out specific ways that the depression and it’s fallout are holding him back. Getting him into treatment can send ripples of healing and hope through the lives of everyone that has anything to do with him. When the symptoms of depression in men reach clinical proportions, they form a genuine medical syndrome in which the brain chemistry get’s stuck. But it is treatable and beatable.
